Mind The Gap

After a one week absence our Prime Minister makes a reappearance. There was a problem for Tony during the week. But story that will be forgotten about soon and let's not speak about it anyway, especially you Bill Shorten. And anyway we shouldn't have that problem in a years time, because Tony has promised us that a good government is coming.


Edition 4

- Cosmo Abbott
- It's French For Yogurt
- The Sledging Of Joyce Mayne By The Coward Alan Lambert


Cosmo Abbott

There's an episode of Seinfeld where Kathy Griffin's character starts tells unflattering stories about Jerry in her show, much to Jerry's annoyance. In the same episode Kramer takes a vow of silence, which he breaks to tell Kathy more stories about Jerry. When Jerry realises the betrayal, Kramer reaffirms his vow of silence with '...All right...starting now'.

Last week Tony Abbott said 'Good government starts today'. He's been in power for about 18 months.

Later in the week the annual Closing The Gap Report, a strategy aimed at reducing Indigenous disadvantage, was tabled in the Australian parliament. Of the 6 initiatives there was improvements in 2, infant mortality rates and indigenous children finishing high school. It's fair to say the rest didn't make good reading. The gaps in life expectancy and health have barely moved. The rate of suicide is 4-5 times higher than in the wider community. There has been little improvements in literacy and numeracy rates.

During the speeches in the parliament re the Report, 6 government members walked out. Apparently those who walked did so not because they were embarrassed about the fact that we have a large part of our population who suffer such major disadvantages compared to the rest of country. Instead they were appalled that Bill Shorten', the Opposition leader, showed a lack of bipartisan support towards our treatment of the indigenous population, when he questioned the role that over $500 million in spending cuts to certain indigenous programs might played in the poor results.

But it's ok. I'm sure next years report will make for better reading because Tony has promised us good government...all right...starting now!


It's French For Yogurt

Apparently the British accent was recently voted the sexiest accent in the world. The rest of the top 5, in order were: American; Irish; Australian; and French.

But what exactly is a British accent? Welsh? Upper class London? East London? Glaswegian? Scouse? Brummie? Surely not Brummie!

For as things stand it means that this

And this

Are sexier than this

Sacre Bleu!


The Sledging Of Joyce Mayne By The Coward Alan Lambert

During a bike ride on the weekend the name of Joyce Mayne got mentioned. For those to young remember, or who don't live in Australia, she ran a chain of electrical stores from the late 1970s to the mid 1990s, until they became part of the Harvey Norman chain. I found an article today that said she did own the stores, I always thought she was just an advertising front for the real owner, say like Peter Wynn is for Peter Wynn's Score.

Part of the reason why I thought she didn't really own them, was because Joyce lived in apartment in North Parramatta, just behind where we lived. It was hardly a salubrious neighbourhood. One day when I was about 13, she walked past the laundromat where I was playing a sit down Space Invaders machine. There were about a dozen of us there and when Joyce walked past, in unison we shouted a line from one of her ads, 'Get lost Jeeves'. We thought it was very funny.

Anyway Joyce didn't take kindly to this. For some reason I got targeted and she asked me my name. Like the coward I was I replied 'I don't know'. Anyway she told us that rudeness like this was why her friend and then top Sydney jockey, didn't talk to strangers.

I know I'm not such a coward now. Years ago when I worked at Centrelink, during a telephone conversation with a manager I gave him a rather blunt assessment of his performance. At some point he told me that I was a coward and wouldn't have the courage to say that with other people around. So as we spoke I typed up what I had said and emailed it to him (thinking about that now, that might have been more stupid than brave).

Whilst I'm braver with strangers or people I don't know very well or Centrelink managers, something else happened on the ride that affirmed that I'm still a coward when dealing with family, or friends or work colleagues who have done something out of line.

When searching for info on Joyce I came across this Joyce Mayne. You need to go about half way down for the bit about her. It has a mention of a book, Joycie's Winning Ways, that I remembered that she had published about gambling and how winning was all in the stars. I don't think it sold very well.

Here's Looking At You, Harry Kane

Here's Looking At You, Harry Kane

Edition 3

- Wouldn't It Be Nice To Get On With Your Neighbours
- You Must Remember This
- Maybe Even More Than 50 Shades
- If There's One Thing That Annoys Me...


Wouldn't It Be Nice To Get On With Your Neighbours

A few years ago I went a Spurs friendly with my uncle and a couple of other people. My uncle is an intelligent man and is more of a football fan than a Spurs fan. When the chant of 'Stand up if you hate Arsenal' started up he proclaimed 'why do you have to hate Arsenal to support Spurs'? I didn't stand up.

My Dad used to be a Spurs fan who went to the famous last game of the 1970/71 between Tottenham & Arsenal at White Hart Lane, although apparently he didn't get in. He tells me now that he likes Arsenal, and I don't know if he really likes them or if he is just trying to wind me up. Last year I went to my first football game with my Dad in over 30 years, a preseason friendly between Cambridge United & Tottenham. When the 'stand up if you hate Arsenal' chant started, I made him stand up. I hoped the next time he thought about smiling about an Arsenal victory, he might remember his declaration that he hated them. 

I didn't always hate Arsenal. At the school I went to in North London, there were a load of Gooners, almost as many as Spurs fans. Arsenal fans in England are largely people like me and those in my family who support Spurs, albiet they are probably more nicer suburbs of London. On the other hand Arsenal fans I have come across in Australia, and mainly through the internet, are the pits (although the anonymity that the net provides often brings out the worst in people).  

Growing up even though Arsenal were more successful than Spurs, they were known as boring, boring Arsenal and they had the reputation of grinding out one-nil wins. On the other hand, whilst Spurs were thought of as being a bit soft, they were known for playing attractive football.

Then just as the Premier League was starting we got bought by Alan Sugar. Not only didn't he like football I think it was clear he didn't understand football or how it was changing. As money started to flood into English football and teams like Arsenal & Chelsea bought top foreign players like Dennis Bergkamp and Gianfranco Zola for about 5 million pounds, Sugar's distrust of 'Carlos Kickerballs', as he called foreign players, meant instead we paid about 4 million pounds for the likes of Chris Armstrong & Ruel Fox. And then in the mid 1990s the Gooners got Arsene Wenger as their manager. Now they were not only winning things they were playing attractive football, whilst we not only struggled but also played dull & boring football. That was a miserable decade.

As I got older I learned more about the history of both clubs. Without getting into all of the details if the clubs were school houses at Hogwarts, Spurs would be Gryffindor & Arsenal would be Slytherin. Well that's how I see it. Anyway what had gone from a mild dislike of Arsenal has turned into a hatred of them.

Last Saturday night, our time, was the latest chapter in the rivalry. I hate calling it the North London derby, because I like to refer to Arsenal as a south London team and the Woolwich Wanderers as they moved to North London in 1913. And a load of us Spurs fans still hate them for it.

I had to decide watching the game as pub in town with fellow Spurs fans or watching at home. I would have loved to have watched it with fellow Spurs fans as cheering with other fans when we score is a such a wonderful feeling. Football clubs are like a defacto family to so many, and it's just a great feeling to share a great moment with other people who feel as passionately as you do. On the other hand a trip home if we lost and then bumping into some Gooners would have been unbearable. As it turned other factors came into play which meant I had to watch at home.

As for the game Spurs won 2-1 and played very well. For maybe the first time ever Arsene Wenger said we deserved to win (he once claimed they were the better team on a night we beat then 5-1). Bragging rights have been claimed and have been well used. Local-boy-turned-good Harry Kane scored twice, and a player who 18 months ago was copping a load of flak from a lot of Spurs fans, is now as popular as Harry Styles is with 1D fans. 

All is good in the world. Even the Spurs fan who complain incessantly on the Spurs groups I'm part of are happy. I wish we weren't playing for a couple of weeks so we could hold onto this feeling for a bit longer. But we play Liverpool in the morning and a loss with bring out the usual suspects complaining about chairman Daniel Levy but at least we'll always have last Saturday.

You Must Remember This

I got to see most of Casablanca again on the weekend. I missed Bill Collins introduction, which I would have enjoyed seeing. As for Bill, I can't ever remember him as a young man and he's looking especially old now. Still it's good to see him on TV again.

I think there should be a rule that no love story movie should be allowed to run over 102 minutes, because that is how long Casablanca ran for, And the chance of any movie being better than Casablanca, is about as likely as Rob Schneider ever winning the Oscar for best actor..

My 5 favourite quotes from Casablanca: 

5.

Rick: And remember, this gun is pointed right at your heart

Captain Renault: That is my least vulnerable spot

4. 

Annina: Monsieur Rick, what kind of man is Captain Renault?

Rick: Oh, he's like any other man, only more so.

3.

Captain Renault: What in heaven's name bought you to Casablanca?

Rick: My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters

Captain Renault: The waters? What waters? We're in the desert!

Rick: I was misinformed.

2.

Rick: I remember every detail. The German's wore grey, you wore blue.

1.

Rick: We'll always have Paris.

Maybe Even More Than 50 Shades

Talking of great love stories, 50 Shades of Grey opens next week. I opened with a putdown for a reason.

I went to dinner for a friends birthday during the week, at which the Lisa Thatcher, blogger/movie critic/women's romance/erotic novelist was also present (I really should have asked for some tips about writing a blog). Anyway Lisa gave a very interesting and funny defence of 50 Shades from a leftist/women's right perspective. Lisa asserted that, sure, it is badly written, but for any 'fantasy' book to be successful there has to be an obvious disconnect between the story and reality. Also 50 Shades has been vilified & ridiculed to an extent that badly written books or bad movies that are aimed at men are not, such as the James Bond movies, the Hangover series or 300.

Anyway I thought it was a thought provoking conversation. I'll give a link to Lisa's blog and her article on why she is looking forward to seeing the movie.

http://lisathatcher.com/2015/02/05/why-i-cant-wait-to-see-50-shades-of-grey-article/


And for those who haven't read the book and don't plan to see the movie, here is the condensed version of 50 Shades that gave me a chuckle

http://www.theguardian.com/books/2012/apr/29/fifty-shades-grey-digested-read





If There's One Thing That Annoys Me...

My belief that tasers should be inserted into the self-serve checkouts at supermarkets increased during the week. My idea is that people who take too long get a shock as a penalty. They would continue to get shocks the longer they take, with the voltage increasing. Also everybody would have to swipe the reward card before using the self-serve, so that past offenders can be identified and be dealt with harshly if they again stuff up. I think those people who annoy me by taking too long, would soon get the message that maybe they should be using the cashiers.

I also think a tasers should be incorporated into mobile phones, and activated on owners who walk incredibly slowly along busy streets/paths as they read their phone. Those people who get in others way, as they stand obliviously on busy streets reading their phones, would get even bigger shocks. 
I think I'll write to Woolies, Coles, Apple & Samung with my idea. Taking a leaf out of Ab Simpson's book, I'll finish my letter with 'P.s. I'm not a crackpot'.