letters to the editor

Edition 8

I wanted to collate all of the letters I had published in the Sydney Morning Herald over the years. I found 11. Some I had completely forgotten about. 6 of the letters were about sport; 2 were about political/social issues and other 3 were about random inconsequential events. Most are very short (I have found the shorter the letter, the more chance it has of being published).

I know there are others, at last 4 more, that I couldn't find when I searched.

I'm sure the first letter I had published was one I sent in when I was extremely bored one day. I asked why did gymnasts at the Olympics raise their right hand in the air like they were giving a Nazi salute? Was it because Olympics supremo and ex-Franco minister Juan Antonio Samaranch went and watched them every night? I was shocked it was published. I was even more surprised that a stranger rang me to talk about the letter.

There used to be a letters section in the Guide. Somebody wrote in about the South Park episode where the school nurse has a dead fetus attached to her face. The locals went over the top for her, including having a week for the condition she suffers from. The nurse just wants to live her life and when she tells them this, Jimbo (I think) calls her an 'ungrateful bitch'. It was pretty obvious what the point of the episode was (South Park is hardly subtle) and yet somebody wrote in about how the nurse was subjected to ridicule including the 'ungrateful bitch' comment. I wrote in the next week about how it was the locals who were being made fun of. I have a feeling I was a bit narky about the person who wrote the original letter.

The Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles went through a period where they had financial troubles and were having trouble keeping their best players. Rex Mossop complained about this and how the Rugby League body needed to do something about this. I think anybody who follows Rugby League could guess my letter pointed out that I'd never heard Rex complain when Manly plundered South Sydney and Western Suburbs during the 1970's and 1980's.

Shane Warne dropped a catch that would have given Damien Fleming another test hat trick. I wrote in to say that criticism of Warnie was unfair, and that that it was actually Joe the Cameraman who grassed the chance. This is the letter I've been most chuffed about having published because Ron Tandberg drew a cartoon for it. Somebody who is in the know on these things has told me that it was Joe and not Warne who made the sledge about Scott Muller. Just on the sledge of 'Can't bowl, can't throw' I think Muller might have got off easy, considering he was batting at number 11, behind Glenn McGrath. Might have been lucky not to have 'and can't bat either' added to the sledge.

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The letters I could find

It's hard to properly describe how bad the Sultana Bran ad was that had a 'family' destroying 'I Heard It Through The Grapevine'. Anyway this was letter about it tying it with 2004 Federal election. Re the 2004 election, the ALP were never going to win that election when Mark Latham was their leader. In my more paranoid days I wondered if Latham was a CIA/Liberal Party plant in the ALP because surely nobody could cause that much damage unless they were trying to deliberately undermine the ALP. After he lost the leadership I realised that rather than being a plant he was just a jerk with some serious mental health issues.

Cereal killer (15 Sep 04)

I'll give my vote to any party that promises to ban those Kellogs ads where they destroy I Heard it Through the Grapevine.

Alan Lambert, Burwood

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This might have been to letters to the weekend sports section. Channel 9 loves showing the Brisbane Broncos most Friday nights. Often it is the second game shown in Sydney. The commentary of Ben Ikin and Kevin Walters just proved too much for me. I did like the heading the SMH used.

Take a proper gander (07 Apr 07)

Would Channel Nine please ensure the commentary team of Tokyo Rose and Lord Haw-Haw (aka Ben Ikin and Kevin Walters) always does the late game on Friday night?

Alan Lambert, Burwood

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I used to love the Tour de France. I started following during Pedro Delgado's win in 1988. I loved watching it during the 1990's first with Big Mig winning 5 in a row and the watching the Pirate, Marco Pantani including his win in 1998. The came the rise of Lance Armstrong. Now drugs and the Tour have always gone hand in hand. The great Jacques Anquetil, who won 5 Tours, was open about his drug use. But there was something so systematic about Lance's drug taking and his threats of legal action against people who commented on it, that was truly off putting. Lance was gone by the 2006 Tour. Floyd Landis was one of the real favourites that year. He had got into the yellow jersey and was now a clear favourite to win. On a late mountain stage he cracked and lost about 8 minutes to the leaders. Any chance of a podium finish was gone. Then on the next stage, again in the mountains, he destroyed the field, winning the stage by over 7 minutes. It was one of the most exhilarating pieces of sport I had ever seen. To beat the best cyclists in the world so easily, after the events of the previous day was truly remarkable. Landis did well in the time trial the next day and was back in yellow. Then it was announced he had failed drug test following his great stage win. Nowadays I still watch the Tour, but nowhere near to the same extent. The next year Alexander Vinokourov failed a drug test. It inspired this effort.

(Part of) Tour de Farce (27 Jul 07)

What is more predictable? Drug scandals during the Tour de France or a drug scandal involving Lindsay Lohan ("Tour in crisis as Vinokourov fails dope test" and "Oh Lord, Lohan's in a hell of a mess", July 26)?

Alan Lambert Burwood

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 Australia were playing India in 2007/08. India had some wonderful players who I really liked, such as Sachin Tendulkar, VVS Laxman, Rahul Dravid & Anil Kumble. However they also had some players whose on field behaviour was deplorable such as Sreesanth and Harbhajan Singh. Andrew Symonds was part of the Australian team. Symonds had a West Indian background and on a tour of India he was the victim of monkey chants. In the Sydney test match there were a host of bad decisions that seemed to against India. With the atmosphere not good between the teams, Singh had some friendly by play with Brett Lee or maybe it was Glenn McGrath. Symonds said something to Singh about how nobody liked him which included calling him a bastard. Then Singh, according to the Australian players, called Symonds a monkey. Singh was originally penalised for making a racist comment. Then India threatened to go home, and the penalty was reduced. I'm not a fan of the Australian cricket team. I've always found their level of sledging really nasty. But there is no excuse for racism. In the end cricket authorities really let down Andrew Symonds. My letter really made none of these points.

(Part of) Wherever And Whatever The Game, Racism Cannot Be Pardoned (12 Jan 08)

So Sir Edmund Hillary's comment to fellow climbers was: "We knocked the bastard off." Lucky for him Mt Everest is not in India.

Alan Lambert Burwood

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A friend of mine sends in a lot of letters to the SMH that never seem to get published. After he sent in another effort, I wanted to show I could letter published. There was nothing going in I was passionate about. A musical on Shane Warne had just announced it was closing. I knew from past experiences that letters re Shane Warne were a chance of being published.

Joe and mum are spared (22 May 09)

So Shane Warne The Musical is ending its Sydney run early ("Play abandoned: Warnie the musical in off a short run", May 21) thanks to the economic crisis. Others must be relieved they have avoided blame: Joe the cameraman; the Kiwi kid who took the photo of Shane having a ciggie; Shane's mum; and countless women with mobile phones and/or answering machines.

Alan Lambert Burwood

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I avoided managed to avoid all news reports of the Oscar winners. I got home to watch a replay of the Awards on Channel 9, and what do channel 9 do? They show the winners in the ads for their late news. Thanks.

An Oscar spoiler that really hurt (10 Mar 10)

Rather than lambasting the NRL over Channel Seven's new rugby league show, maybe David Gyngell could spare some time to teach his staff about the importance of not spoiling the end of events they are showing. Having successfully avoided finding out the winners of the Academy Awards during the day, I realised The Hurt Locker had won Best Picture when Channel Nine showed the cast celebrating in the ads for their late-night news program.

Alan Lambert Burwood

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I used to work for Centrelink. They really were the epitome of an organisation who were great at paying attention to trivial issues, such as the dress code, with much less emphasis given to training, stress levels, workloads etc. Cityrail (or Sydney Trains) has never been known for their customer service. The Liberal government seemed to think that the customer service problems could be solved by bring in a stricter dress code including punishing staff who didn't shave.

(part of) Grooming shunt on right track (04 Aug 12)

Thank you, CityRail, for a wonderful travelling experience yesterday.

Sure my morning train was late. Again. And then as I waited for my train home at Town Hall station I was bombarded with announcements about using other doors on the train, when the platform was so crowded it was hard to find a space to stand in let alone find space to move anywhere else.

But as I stood there on the train on the way home, I had the warm inner glow that comes from knowing that my train driver didn't have stubble.

Alan Lambert Burwood

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If there's one thing that gets me fired up, it's people taking digs at my beloved Bulldogs. In 2008 the Bulldogs were maybe the second worst team of the modern era, behind only the 1982 Raiders team. The Bulldogs were certainly the worst team of the NRL era (well they were until the truly dreadful 2013 Eels team), winning just 5 of 24 games, conceding 782 points (-349 differential). The Bulldogs got one game away from the Grand Final in 2009. In a preseason guide, Glen Munsie said the Bulldogs had underachieved in 2009...

Played strong (13 Mar 10)

In the preview of the NRL season (''Your club's prospects'', March 8), TAB Sportsbet's Glenn Munsie states that the Bulldogs underachieved last year. This was a side that finished last in 2008 - and not an honourable last, as they were one of the worst sides of the modern era. In 2009 they finished second (it would have been first if not for a diabolical video ref's decision against St George Illawarra and their own stupidity in fielding 14 players for part of the game against Penrith).

The Bulldogs won their first semi, against Newcastle. They then played for a spot in the grand final against the red-hot Eels, and in this game lost their fullback, Luke Patten to injury in the second minute. Bryson Goodwin, also injured, was a passenger for most of the game. They were still within four points of the Eels with less than 10 minutes to go, before going down by 10 points.

Underachieved? It makes me wonder why Munsie and TAB Sportsbet had the Bulldogs at big odds to win the NRL when the season started, rather than as one of the favourites.

Alan Lambert, Burwood

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During a great Ashes test Stuart Broad clearly nicked a ball that was caught. Somehow the umpire missed it. Australia were out of reviews so Broad survived and he went to score some handy runs. England went onto narrowly win the test. The level of complaining by Australians, mainly Australian sports journalists, was amazing. It was continually bought up (and other writers to the SMH made the point) that Broad's action in not walking was the direct opposite of the former Australian wicket keeper Adam Gilchrist. My point is try to name another Australian player who walked? Indeed there were stories that other Australian players hated Gilchrist for doing so, because it made them look bad. Oh and to top the story off, the final out of the match was the Australian wicket keeper Brad Haddin who edged a ball but didn't walk, and was given out on appeal. Australian's complaining about another team not walking is like the French complaining about another country being arrogant,  or the Germans complaining about another country's lack of a sense of humour, or Americans complaining about how other people don't understand irony...

(Part of) Great clashes live on, but it's not cricket as we knew it (16 Jul 13)

During the first Ashes Test there was hand wringing from the Herald's sports journalists about the poor sportsmanship of Stuart Broad in refusing to walk after edging a ball that was caught by Michael Clarke. On the last ball of this magnificent match Brad Haddin got an inside edge to a ball that was caught by Matt Prior. Haddin stood his ground and was initially given not out by a mistaken umpire. I have not read one word criticising Haddin for not walking.

Alan Lambert Burwood

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If you sent in a letter every time that Roy Masters was wrong, you'd be a busy person. In 2013 the perennial semi-final victims the North Queensland Cowboys conceded a 7 tackle try to the Cronulla Sharks. Roy said this was the first time this had happened in a semi-final since 1978. Roy somehow forgot about a 7 tackle try in the 1995 grand final.

Bulldogs had their day (18 Sep 13)

Roy Masters wrote we have to go back to 1978 for the last seventh-tackle tries (''Refs don't know R's from their elbows'', September 16). In fact, Glen Hughes from the Bulldogs scored a try on the seventh tackle in the 1995 grand final. Still it was against Manly so nobody, rightly, cared about that.

Alan Lambert Burwood

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When weekend retail trading was introduced staff received penalty rates for giving up their weekend. Employers like to cut wages of staff. It's probably the easiest way to get a short term boost in profits. In the long term cutting wages for workers is a terrible idea, as the more money people have the more they can spend. I found the proposal to cut weekend penalty rates because weekend trading because it had been successful, just staggering.

(Part of) Abolishing penalty rates may create greater poverty and increased social isolation (05 Jan 15)

So let me get this right. Businesses wanted longer opening hours on the weekend, but the tradeoff was that they had to pay their staff more for having to give up their weekend. Now it's been a success, they want to reduce the pay of their staff because fewer people stay home on the weekend. Brilliant!

Alan Lambert Burwood

In-ger-lund, IN-GER-LUND

If bookmakers had known before the Women's World Cup that in a semi-final, deep into injury time with the scores level, a team would score a spectacular own goal (after creating the better chances during the game), then I'm sure bookmakers would have posted at about 10-1 on to be that team.

For the men's team every 4 years the country has a false sense of belief that this Cup could be the time it all goes right (well apart from 2014 when I think most England fans knew the team were bollocks). Of course it never does. And usually there is a high level of bad luck involved, with England being to the World Cup what Poland is when borders are being redrawn.

Maybe it's karma for Geoff Hurst's second goal in the 1966 World Cup final (although it rarely gets mentioned that the West German equaliser was offside). Maybe it's karma for England exploiting so many other countries through the centuries. Or maybe we just aren't that good at football (nah that can't be it).

Edition 7

England at the World Cup from 1974-2014. A story of heartbreak

I have seen 11 World Cups with England have qualifying for 8 of them, with the best result being a semi-final in 1990. Here's a summary of England's performance with an unlucky rating.

1974: Knocked out in qualifying stages

A three team group of England, Poland & Wales. After an away win in Wales, a home draw vs Wales and away loss vs Poland, England needed to beat Poland in the last game to qualify. It was 1-1 with half an hour to go. England created chances but the Polish goalie Tomaszewski had a blinder.

Summary England were unlucky to have such a good team as Poland in their group (they finished third at the 1974 World Cup). But we didn't win either of our home games. In the game against Poland, Don Revie made his substitution with 2 minutes to go, when he finally bought on Kevin. Alas it was Kevin Hector and not Kevin Keegan.

Unlucky factor: 2.5


1978: Knocked out in the qualifying stages

In a four team group of Italy, Finland & Luxembourg. England and Italy won all their games vs the other two teams and both won 2-0 at home. Italy went through on goal difference. Maybe the crucial game was only beating Finland 2-1 at home.

Summary: England got drawn against a really team (who went onto finish 4th at the 1978 World Cup). We won all our games apart from the game in Italy and went out with a goal difference of +11.

Unlucky factor: 6 (there were a lot worse teams than England who qualified foe the 1978 World Cup).


1982: Knocked out in the second group stage.

From 1974-1982 the World Cup had 2 group stages. In 1974 and 1978 there were no quarter-finals or semi-finals and with the expansion to 24 teams in 1982 after the second group stage were the semi finals.

England won all their games in a group also consisting of France, Czechoslovakia and Kuwait. Then there was a second group stage also consisting of the hosts Spain & West Germany. West Germany had topped their group after the disgrace of their match versus Austria, aka the non-aggression pact of Gijon. The Guardian rated that game as the third most shocking World Cup momentever. It was certainly a tough group, a lot tougher than say France, Austria and Northern Ireland, which France won (a team England had beaten in the group stage).

In the first game of the second stage England drew 0-0 with West Germany. Then West Germany beat Spain 2-1. Then England drew 0-0 with Spain and were out, with Brooking and Keegan coming on a subs and missing great chances.

Summary: Only 6 teams have been knocked out of the World Cup without losing a game (not including losses in penalty shootouts). 4 of those happened in the group stages. The other two were Brazil in 1978 and England in 1982. England had a tough second qualifying with a group with a team who must people suspect fixed their last game in the first qualifying stage. England had chances vs Spain. They also made some bad selections. England were hampered by injuries with Trevor Brooking and Keegan (Keegan was our best player and whilst I wasn't a huge Brooking fan he had been the centre of our midfield for a long time) missed the whole of the tournament apart from the last 27 minutes vs Spain.

After the first group stage a team should have to lose to be knocked out. England went out without ever being beaten

Unlucky factor: 7


1986: Knocked out in the quarter final

England had a terrible start to the 1986 World Cup. A first up loss to Portugal and then a draw with Algeria where Wilkins was sent off and Bryan Robson was injured had England of danger of going out in the group stage. For the game against Poland, Bobby Robson dropped Mark Hately (great decision) and Chris Waddle (not such great a decision) and still didn't start John Barnes. England beat Poland 3-0 (including a Gary Lineker hat trick) in the last group game to ensure qualification.

Paraguay were dispatched 3-0 in the round of 16.

In the quarter-finals were Argentina and Diego Maradona. Maradona scored twice that day to give Argentina a 2 nil lead. The second goal is almost universally regarded as the greatest goal in World Cup history. However the first goal is remembered by more people, because Maradona punched the ball into the net, aka the hand of God. Bobby Robson finally put on Waddle and Barnes. Barnes set up a goal for Lineker and went to close to creating another. However England lost 2-1. Hand of God I like how the commentator misses the blatant handball and thinks England are appealing for offside.

Summary: England ran into arguably the best player of all time (definitely in the top 3). He scored one of the greatest goals ever. And also scored a goal by punching a ball over the goalie. Hard to take going out with one of the goals being due to a terrible refereeing decision, especially when we had a good team.

Unlucky factor: 9


1990: Lost semi final in a penalty shootout.

Again England didn't have a great start to the World Cup drawing vs Ireland and then the Netherlands. After 4 games all 4 teams were on 2 points. England played Egypt in the last game and a second half goal was good enough for the win and qualification.

England changed tactics in the group of 16 game vs Belgium going to a 5 man defence, and in Mark Wright we had a defender capable of playing as a sweeper. Belgium hit the post twice and Barnes had a fair goal disallowed. The game was in the last minute of extra time when David Platt hooked in a Paul Gascoigne free kick.

Next were Cameroon. What a cracking match. England led 1-0 at half time, Roger Milla came on at half time and changed the game. First he got fouled for a penalty, which Cameroon scored from. Then he set up a goal. With 7 minutes left England got a penalty and equalised. England got another penalty in injury time which Lineker again converted (there is some some doubt on the second penalty. If contact is made it might be with Nkono's head, which I think is still a foul but would be unlucky) England penalties vs Cameroon.

The semi-final was vs West Germany. Germany scored first (check out the deflection) and Lineker (who else) equalised goals from West Germany vs England. Off to a penalty shootout. England went first. All 3 teams scored their first 3 penalties. Stuart Pearce had England's 4th penalty and was our best penalty taker. He blasted it almost down the middle. Illgner dived to his right and the ball crashed into his legs. Thon scored his penalty. Waddle missed. England were out.

Summary: Losing a penalty shootout always hurts, a pain England have now know all to well. We might have had some luck early in the tournament, but in the semi-final the German goal was arsey (although when you give away a free kick in that position things like that will happen from time to time) and then went out on a penalty shootout, where the first save was a fluke. An Argentinian team missing 4 players through suspension awaited in the final.

Unlucky factor: 7


1994: Knocked out in the qualifying stages

England were in a group with Netherlands, Norway, Poland, San Marino & Turkey. The top 2 qualified for the World Cup.

The first game was a home game vs Norway that ended 1-1 after England scored first. There were then wins over Turkey, San Marino and Turkey again. Next were the Dutch at home and squandered a 2 goal lead as the game ended 2-2. Then there was an away draw in Poland. So after 6 games we had 3 wins and 3 draws. But 2 of the draws had been home draws against our two biggest threats who both still needed to be played away. Still if England could win one of those games or at least take a point from the Dutch they would be safe.

England were totally outplayed in Norway as they lost 2-0. Then England beat Poland at home.

Then came the crunch game in Rotterdam. Nil all after almost an hour, Andy Sinton hoisted a long hopefully ball forward. Pleat ran onto it, and got in front of Ronald Koeman who pulled him down just outside of the box. At first it looked the ref would give a penalty, but he correctly gave a free kick. Then he only gave Koeman a yellow card. It was a blatant a red card as you are ever going to see, and the referee just bottled it. The subsequent free kick from Tony Dorigo was charged down by Dutch defenders who moved before the ball was kicked. A few minutes later the Dutch got a free kick just outside our box. It was charged down by England defenders who moved before the ball was kicked. This time the ref ordered that it be retaken. And of course they scored. And of course it was Ronald Koeman who scored. A few minutes later England had a free kick and Paul Merson hit the post. And then 5 minutes later the only Beavis impersonator playing international football made it 2-0 to the Dutch. And that's how it finished. the fun starts at about 6:15

Going into the last games England had to hope the Dutch lost in Poland and that they could score 7 goals in San Marino. England did score 7 but the game will best be remembered for this fastest goal scored in a World Cup game. It didn't matter as the Dutch beat Poland.

Summary: England were burdened with our worst ever manager as evidenced by his performance at Euro 92 (the Turnip was worse than the Wally with the brolly); picked too many players who weren't upto international standard (see Palmer, Carlton); and lost home leads against the two main contenders (if England had held our 2 nil lead over the Dutch they would have qualified). However the decision to not send of Ronald Koeman was outrageously bad. It's an automatic red card. Then of course it was Koeman who put the Dutch in front. As it turned out a draw in Rotterdam would have put us through.

Unlucky factor: 5


1998: Knocked out in the round of 16 on penalties.

A first up win over Tunisia followed by a last minute loss to Romania. A draw against Colombia would ensure England qualified for the knock out stage. England won 2-0.

Argentina awaited in the round of 16. Argentina scored from an early penalty. England equalised 5 minutes later from the penalty spot and then took the lead 5 minutes later from a wonderful Michael Owen goal. Argentina equalised on the stroke of half time. Early in the second half Simone went through the back of David Beckham and then trod on him. Beckham flicked his leg in retaliation. It should have been red for Simone (although that depends on if you think Simone deliberately trod on Beckham) and a yellow for Beckham. Instead Kim Nielsen gave Simone yellow and Beckham red. Simone and Beckham.

He-whose-name-can-not-be-spoken-or-even-written headed in to give England the lead. However Nielsen not only disallowed the goal for a 'foul' by Shearer on the Argentinian goalie Roa. To make matters worse with half of the England team off the field celebrating the 'goal' Nielsen allowed Argentina to take a quick free kick from which they almost scored. In extra time Nielsen didn't award a penalty after Chamot handled the ball. This is Nielsen's take on the 2 incidents.

'I disallowed He-whose-name-can-not-be-spoken-or-even-written's goal because Alan Shearer very clearly removed the goalkeeper and the Javier Zanetti handball was not intentional.

A player can't remove his arms before a game, so they have to be somewhere. There were a lot of arms going up and the ball hit the Argentinian player's arm'.

The ball that hit Chamot was played in from 50 yards away. It is the players responsibity to make sure that the ball doesn't hit his arm. When the ball hit his hand, his hand was above his head. Whilst players from every country tend to have their head above their hands when they head the ball, for the second time in 4 World Cups, an Argentinian player decided that it was better to have their hands above their head. It was a clear cut penalty.

The He-whose-name-can-not-be-spoken-or-even-written 'goal' is at about 19:55 and the Chamot handball at 23:20 England vs Argentina

The game went to penalties. Argentina missed their second penalty. Then Paul Ince missed England's second penalty. It got to 4-3 to Argentina. David Batty (why oh why) was sent up to take the penalty that would force it into sudden penalties. Roa saved and it was all over. England could have used Beckham's penalty taking skills (all of course scored against them from the penalty spot 4 years later). 

Summary: Beckham shouldn't have been sent off and Simone probably should have been. England were denied a fair goal and a fair penalty. And then lost in a penalty shootout (when their second best penalty taker had been sent off).

Unlucky factor: 8

2002: Knocked out in the quarter finals

Started off with a 1-1 draw vs Sweden. The crunch game was against Argentina, who were the pre-tournament favourites and had started off with a 1-0 win over Nigeria. England were very good against Argentina and took the lead after Owen was fouled by Mauricio Pochettino (I wonder what happened to him?) and David Beckham scored from the penalty spot. England held on for a great victory. The last group game was against Nigeria who were already knocked out. The game was a stale 0-0 draw. 

Next up were Denmark. England were fantastic and were up 3-0 at half time, which was the final score.

Brazil awaited in the quarter finals. Owen gave England the lead. Rivaldo equalised in injury time at the end of the first half. This goals still irks me. It was a beautiful move from Brazil, however they got the ball when Beckham had to jump out of the way of a dangerous tackle from a player who didn't touch the ball. A player is allowed to take action to avoid a dangerous tackle. It should have been a free kick from England. Ronaldinho then scored from a free kick that sailed over David Seaman that people still argue of it was a cross or a shot. Ronaldinho was then unluckily sent off. It didn't matter as Brazil won 2-1. The Beckham foul as is 3:15 and the Ronaldinho goal is at 5:10 England vs Brazil

Summary: There were 4 stand out teams at this World Cup. Brazil were the clearly the best team. Then there wasn't much difference between England, Spain (knocked out in the quarter finals by South Korea after having 2 fair goals disallowed) and Turkey. England were probably a bit unlucky to draw Brazil so early in the tournament, but they would have needed to have beaten them at some stage. Brazil's first goal shouldn't have been allowed. I don't know if Ronaldinho's free kick was an attempted cross or shot (I think it was a cross). But it doesn't matter, as Seaman should have never been caught out. England got a lucky break when Ronaldinho was sent off, but didn't come particularly come to equalising.

Unlucky factor: 3

2006: Knocked out in the quarter finals in a penalty shootout.

First up was a 1-0 over Paraguay. Next up was what should have been a straight forward game against Trinidad & Tobago. However it was still 0-0 with only 7 minutes left, before England won 2-0. England and then Sweden drew 2-2 in the last group game. 

England beat Ecuador 1-0 in the round of 16 game, thanks to a Beckham goal.

Portugal were next in the quarter finals. Portugal had knocked England out of the Euro 2004 in the quarter finals on a penalty shootout, after He-whose-name-can-not-be-spoken-or-even-written had a latter 'winner' mysteriously disallowed.

The major point of the game was the sending off of Wayne Rooney, but it was the correct decision. England hung on well in hot conditions and the game ended 0-0.

England had some good penalty takes. Frank Lampard & Steven Gerrard although Rooney had stupidly been lost and Beckham got injured during the match. Portugal went first in the penalty shootout and scored. Then Lampard had his penalty saved. Then Portugal missed. Then Owen Hargreaves (we can easily forget what a good player he was. He was tremendous in this game). Portugal missed again. Then Gerrard had his penalty saved. Portugal scored. The Jamie Carragher (yes Jamie Carragher) took England's 4th penalty that was saved. Then Ronaldo put away his penalty and it was all over.

Summary: England weren't particularly in this match per se. The Rooney send off was stupidly self-inflicted. But England didn't lose a game in the World Cup and went out in a penalty shootout (the first team in World Cup history to have 3 penalties saved).

Unlucky factor: 5

2010: Knocked out in the round of 16

England started off with a 1-1 draw with the USA when Clint Dempsey equalised after a Robert Green howler. England were then held 0-0 by Algeria. Then England beat Slovenia thanks to a Jermaine Defoe (he's a Yiddo) goal. It looked that would be would have been enough for them to win the group, apart from that Dempsey scored an injury time winner versus Algeria. That meant that England now played Germany rather than Ghana in the round of 16.

Germany 4 England 1. Germany were much the better team. Germany took a 2 nil lead (the first goal coming from a terrible defensive error). Matthew Upson got one back and then 2 minutes later England were level, sorry should have been level when this Lampard scorcher was not given Lampard goal vs Germany

Despite being outplayed it should have been 2 all, and if England had gone into half-time in that position they would have had all the momentum. Instead they went in deflated about having a fair goal disallowed and they still had to chase the game. England were Mullered in the second half and lost 4-1. Who knows how the game would have panned out if the Lampard goal had of been awarded?

FIFA had been resisting using goal line technology. It was introduced for the 2014 World Cup. To quote Alfredo from Cimena Paradiso 'progress always comes too late'. 

Summary: Not a good England team, Unconvincing in the group stage and their weaknesses cost them winning the group. This led them to play Germany rather than Ghana in the round of 16. Ran into a much better team in Germany. However the better teams don't always win in football. After being 2 nil down, England fought back and should have been level at 2-2. It's hard enough to score goals in football, especially against Germany, without officials robbing teams of goals.

Unlucky factor: 5 (without the Lampard goal it would have been 0)

2014: knocked out in the group stage

Lost to Italy. Then lost to Uruguay and were eliminated. Drew with Costa Rica.

Summary: Terrible. Worst England team at a World Cup finals and maybe the worst England team in modern times, Got what they deserved.

Unlucky factor: 0